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Pinning toward inner greatness

Last night, I was knocking out another chapter of, You Are A Badass; How to Stop Doubting Your Inner Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, by Jen Sincero. At some point I must have transitioned from reading to staring into space prompting Darren to ask, "What are you thinking, Momma?"

"Mmmm… I might not be a badass. I just don't feel an inner greatness."

Lately, I've been having a bit of a crisis of confidence, why are we all here, kind of moment. My whole life, I've known where I want to end up. The road there, however, has never been clear. Also, I wasn't entirely sure if Darren was pointed in the same direction. We had talked about it years ago, but time has a way of changing things. Lack of funds has a way of tossing up roadblocks as well. Darren is working now — which is such a great development for us, but it's going to be a slow build back.

Now that he is done with training and on a regular schedule, things should improve in that regard, and it's not as though we are giving up. We are still keeping our eyes open for other opportunities which might arise. Right now, though, it's just impossible to know in which direction we are being pulled. It felt as though we were paddling opposite directions in the same canoe, circling very quickly while going nowhere.

We had the "do we even want the same thing" talk, and I'm happy to report, WE DO! All that's left to figure out is how we're going to get there, which brings us back to the book. The author suggests putting together a mood or vision board for your future life. The idea being, the thoughts you put into the world are what you will make manifest. A part of my brain wants to dismiss that as a whole lot of happy hoo-ha, but… I am also working my way through four different bible study/devotional type activities. In the last few days, each one of them has focused on how the Lord wants us to live an abundant life. God loves us and wants good things for us. Our job is to trust in the Lord, love God, and live that love. Complete trust is where I've struggled most. As long as I'm making that leap, might as well make a vision board while I'm at. So, I logged onto Pinterest, and began pinning my dream life.


When I finally paused to scroll through what I'd created, my eyes welled up. It was exactly where I wanted to be. About that time, Darren came up, and I showed him. It's also where he wants to be.

We may never fully realize our dream life, but at least I know we're paddling in the same direction, and that feels pretty great.

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