Love yourself, but don't settle

Spend any time on social media, and you are bound to notice the body positivity movement. It seems to be everywhere, and overall, I think it's a good thing. Our value is not derived from our outward appearance, but from our being created in the image of God, each unique but with the same dignity and equally deserving of respect. There is one aspect of the movement, however, which gives me pause.

I have had a very public weight transformation. The first time it was shared on a wide forum, the Shakeology blog and Facebook page, the comments were very positive and supportive. It was a fun, exciting experience. Some time later, my transformation was shared on Autumn Calabrese's Facebook page. Most of the comments were positive, but negativity began to creep in. There were probably a couple reasons for that. First, I think Autumn's post had a wider reach and a more diverse audience. Also, the portion of my story featured by the second post was more appearance oriented. Same story, just a different Facebook tease. 

Now, I understand by putting myself out there, I was inviting comment. I'm not complaining about that. It's the reality of the Internet, and I accept it. However, one comment has stuck with me. It was something to the effect of, "Maybe Nickole should learn to love herself."

Women come in all shapes and sizes. I myself have changed packaging a few times.
Clockwise from top left: My wedding in 2007; Early first term with Baby No. 4; A few weeks from delivery of Baby No. 4; Me now; Roughly 6 months post-delivery of Baby No. 2; One month post-delivery, Baby No. 3; Me now; A couple months into my lifestyle change. Center: Four months post-delivery, Baby No. 4, also my non-pregnant largest.

I tried to respond to it but, honestly, did a pretty poor job, because I just couldn't wrap my mind around what she was saying. 

Was she really saying I should have resigned myself to being fat, — yes, that is how I thought of myself — when, clearly, I had the ability to do something about it? 

It wasn't as though I used some dangerous pill or a crazy cleanse. To lose the weight, I made healthier food choices and exercised for 30 minutes a day. I gained a better appreciation for my body and all it was capable of, but somehow, to her mind, doing nothing and choosing to love myself more was the better option. In my stumbling response, I tried to explain by learning to better care for myself, I had learned to better love myself. It didn't matter. Since, in her estimation, I hadn't loved myself fully enough at the outset, the rest of my experience was invalid. 

Now, there are big girls who love their body and rock every curve. I think that's great! You will never see me holding up one ideal to which I think we all should conform. What I'm attempting to address here are the girls who aren't happy and a movement which dismisses their feelings and tells them they should be happy. My issue with the body positivity movement is, too often the shouts of, "Love yourself!" are accompanied by a whispered, "You are the way you are, there's nothing you can do about it, so just accept it. Resign yourself to it, and put on a smiley face."

Yes, we should all love ourselves, but there is no shame in striving to be better. From my own experience, I know it's hard to love yourself when, deep in your heart, you know you're capable of more. Growth is good, be it physical, intellectual or spiritual. I have a problem with anyone who would thwart the growth of another, even if it is with a well intended, "You're good enough the way you are." 

The value of a person remains constant. their estimation of that value, however, is affected greatly by the amount of growth they experience in their life. 

If someone came to me, yearning to make a change in their life, I would love them enough to offer every tool at my disposal to help, not dismiss them with a platitudinous, "You should really learn to love yourself."

Thankfully, I was presented with the tools to make a change. Alone, I was struggling and, as a result, began to value myself less. Then, someone loved me enough to say, hey, do you want to try this with me? 

A little nudge was all it took for me to break free, and I am so much happier for it. If you have been longing to make a change but aren't quite sure where to start, I would be honored to help in any way I can. You can contact me via my Facebook page.