Something I started for me has come to mean a whole lot more…
for my entire family
This post is for all those hard-working, self-sacrificing moms. I say moms because I am one, but really it goes for all caregivers. I want to ask you this question. How many nights each week do you lay down for the night and realize you've done nothing for yourself? You spend the entirety of your days running around taking care of other people, making sure their needs are met, but you never manage to work far enough down the to-do list to reach your name. | |
| Ainsleigh helping me warm up with some Supermans |
I tried explaining this Darren, telling him I was a second-tier member of the family. He was horrified and felt awful, as though it were his fault. He assured me over and over I was the most important member of our family. The counter to that was, well then, why is everyone being taken care of but me?
Here's why. I wasn't being taken care of, because I wasn't taking care of me. It seems pretty obvious now, but it took some time to learn I was the only one who could.
When given the opportunity to make some changes, I had the usual objections, most of them stemming from the weird tendency moms seem to have to martyr ourselves. Money is tight (IT WAS!), and I would be taking funds from the family. Um, hello?! Why exclude myself from the collective family? It was the martyr complex in action.
I don't have time. I have to do x, y, z for the kids, there's laundry, there's dishes and cooking. Again, it was technically true. I was busy. Four kids, the oldest just barely six? Yeah, there is a lot to be done around here. Everything was coming to a head, though, and it was time for change.
The first thing I learned very quickly was, yes, I can give myself 30 minutes for a workout. It didn't take the kids very long to figure it out either. Mommy gets her time, too. Dang it! (Otherwise she's a little crazy until it happens.)
Changing the way I ate was another lesson. Occasionally putting my needs first didn't mean I quit caring for everyone else. It meant, maybe, getting that third glass of water could wait until I'd had a snack. Especially considering it was most likely going to be spilled anyway.
Just a quick note on how I used to eat versus how I eat now. Instead of scarfing down three huge meals a day, I now eat smaller meals with snacks between. I've eliminated a huge number of carbs, added a lot of veggies and a few more fruits. Did you know I used to buy fruit and not eat it, because it was "for the kids"? Why they needed to eat healthy at my expense, I don't know. That martyr complex again. I also drink Shakeology® every day, usually to refuel after a workout.
Getting fit really changed my life in two ways. I thought I was starting 21 Day Fix Extreme® to lose weight. My goals really weren't any more complicated than: lose 30 pounds with, fingers crossed, the first 10 dropping in the first round, which did not happen, by the way.
It took a few rounds to really get going. I did lose weight — a lot of it, but weight loss quickly became an ancillary side effect. The first big change in my life came with realizing I am responsible for taking care of me. It goes far beyond exercising and "getting fit." If I don't do it, it won't get done. The end. By taking care of myself, I am much better able to care for my family.
The second change took longer to evolve, but it has become the most important. This lifestyle, which I was adopting for me, wasn't just about me. It is about my family and the example I'm setting for my kids.
Honestly, there were not receptive and, sometimes outright resentful, at first. Every time I would push play on a workout, they would start fighting, or decide it was time to ask a million questions. Luckily, I started in the summer:
"Mom, can I…"
"Mom, I want to…"
"Mom, she — "
"No, I didn't! He …"
"Did not!"
ENOUGH!
quiet for about 30 seconds
"I'm hungry. Can we have…"
NO!
rows weight
OUTSIDE!
rows weight
NOW!
drops weights
At the time, I was still nursing, which added another layer. I learned the hard way any cardio must wait until after the baby was up. No matter how tempting it was to get it done while everyone was still asleep. You nursing moms know exactly what I mean.
It was tough at first. I had to be really flexible with workout times. My schedule shifted and changed constantly to adjust to the baby's. After a while, though, it got easier. The kids have come to accept mom works out now. They have started getting into it as well. Especially Ainsleigh. Oh, my gosh, that girl! She loves her "coaches" and is usually right there with me.
It has also given me the opportunity to talk to my kids about what being healthy really means. The other morning, Oliver asked how much weight I thought he had lost. "You better not be losing any. You are a growing boy!"
I went on to explain the only reason someone would need to be concerned with their weight was if it was the result of many years of unhealthy habits. More important than weight was creating healthy habits.
They are also learning balance. They see the way we eat day after day, meal after meal. They also see me go to a party and have a piece of cake without angst or worry. I just enjoy the darn cake!
Laney likes to quiz me on whether what I'm eating is healthy. Sometimes, it's not, and… I own it! No, my Ghirardelli Sea Salt Soiree with Toasted Almonds is not particularly healthy, but I enjoy it and have a piece of chocolate now and then (ahem, almost daily… with my coffee).
There are still challenges. Some days are hectic. Some days I get emotional and cry during a workout. They see all of it. They also see me not quitting. I never expected to become the sort of example I have. I just wanted to lose some weight!
Shakeology® and 21 Day Fix Extreme® are the property of Beachbody, LLC.
Nickole Dahl is an Independent Team Beachbody Coach.
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