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The miraculous timing of the first smile

Chatting with a friend today, I was reminded of something I hadn't thought of in a while, the saving power of a baby's first smile.

Being a first time mom is hard — soul-crushing, overwhelming and desperately hard — especially if you're the first one in your family or friend group to have kids. You're tired and sore, totally clueless and nobody in your immediate circle really knows what you're feeling. You want so badly to get it right, but the baby can only cry, which makes a new mom feel as though they are getting it all wrong. There is no positive feedback, whatsoever. A newborn can't even really maintain eye contact. Soft snores are about the only indicator you haven't screwed up within the last five minutes. Then there is the hesitance to say anything, because we are supposed to be so happy and so in love, like our whole world is wrapped in rose colored gauze.

Me as a new mom, holding on for dear life. It doesn't 
seem possible this was nearly seven years ago. 
I cried so much after Laney was born. We had troubles nursing. Darren was working out of town and was gone all week. When he came home for the weekend, it was just long enough to mess up our routine before he had to leave again. Laney didn't even really like me. She was Darren's baby. Period. She didn't want to be held or cuddled by anyone but him. She was up a lot through night, too. More experienced, I now realize she probably just needed to be burped a little more aggressively, but at time, all I knew was she just wouldn't stop crying. 

I was almost to the end of my rope, feeling like a total failure. So much crying and so much frustration, but all of a sudden there was a smile. Her first real smile. It was the tiniest of smirks, but it changed everything. Clearly I wasn't doing everything wrong, because she smiled at me. I did something right!

There is something about that first smile that allows a new mom to finally breathe again. You start to feel a little more confident. You realize rookie mistakes have not permanently damaged your child. You can get it right. It truly is a watershed moment. 

So, for all the new moms overcome with doubt, just hang in there. In a couple weeks your little baby's face will light up with the most beautiful smile you've ever seen, and your whole world will be changed all over again. 


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